star Mindy McCready dead at 37 of apparent suicide
They seemed so triumphant at the time: the lyrics to country music
star Mindy McCready's hope-filled title track to her most-recent album
"I'm Still Here."
Now, those words sound like a cry for help.
"On a cold dark cloud, with nowhere to fall but down, like a single, naked, unrelenting tear ... I'm still here."
On Sunday, McCready,
whose turbulent personal life overshadowed her music, was found dead on
the front porch of her Arkansas home -- the victim, authorities said, of
a self-inflicted gunshot wound.
She was 37.
McCready leaves behind two boys -- a 6-year-old and a 10-month-old.
Just a month earlier, police had paid another visit to the house in Heber Springs.
On that day, they found the infant's father -- record producer David Wilson -- dead on the porch.
He too had apparently taken his own life. He too had used a gun.
Spiraling downward
McCready burst onto the music scene in 1996 with her debut album "Ten Thousand Angels."
It sold more than 2 million copies. Her chart-topping hit "Guys Do It All The Time" followed that same year.
In all, she put 14 songs and six of her albums on the Billboard Country charts.
But through it all, she was spiraling downward. And the fall was painful and precipitous.
She struggled with addiction and mental illness, often publicly.
In 2004, McCready was
placed on three years' probation after she pleaded guilty to
fraudulently obtaining the painkiller OxyContin at a pharmacy.
The next year, she was
arrested for drunk driving in Nashville, and was beaten and choked by
ex-boyfriend Billy McKnight, who was charged with attempted murder.
"Yes, things have been
going bad," she said in a CNN interview in 2005. "I think it's God's way
of getting my attention saying, 'You better wake up, girl. I have
important stuff for you to do in life,' and I've definitely been
preoccupied or sidetracked doing the wrong things."
Before 2005 ended,
McCready had suffered two drug overdoses, was arrested on drug charges,
was pregnant with McKnight's child and, authorities say, attempted
suicide.
She attempted suicide
again in 2008, authorities say, and had another drug overdose in 2010
before joining the cast of VH1's "Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew." The
reality show chronicles the life of celebrities as they're treated for
alcohol and drug addiction.
Celebrity rehab
Dr. Drew Pinsky said he contacted McCready last month after her boyfriend's death.
"When I heard she was
struggling, I did reach out to her and urged her to go to take care of
herself, get in a facility if she felt she needed," said
Pinsky, who hosts his own program on CNN's sister network HLN.
"Her biggest fear was
the stigma of doing so and what people would think if she, God forbid,
took care of herself. And this to me is the most distressing part of
this story. She is a lovely woman, we have lost her, and it didn't have
to go down like this."
On one episode of the show, McCready
performed "I'm Still Here," dedicating it to the other cast members, which included Dennis Rodman, Heidi Fleiss and Mackenzie Phillips.
"When I was writing this song, I was in jail," the singer said tearfully. "I never knew it, but I was writing for all of you."
Custody battle
In the past few years, McCready waged a public battle for custody of her elder son, Zander.
In 2011, she took the
boy from her mother, who had legal custody, and fled with him to her
home in Arkansas, saying she had concerns over his safety.
A judge ordered
authorities to pick up the boy and days later authorities found McCready
hiding with Zander in a closet at her home.
In addition to her
relationship with McKnight, McCready had romances with musician David
Malloy and actor Dean Cain -- as well as admitting to an affair with
baseball player Roger Clemens, which he didn't confirm or deny.
In 2010, Vivid
Entertainment released a porn video called "Mindy McCready, Baseball
Mistress" that featured McCready having sex with a boyfriend referred to
as "Peter" and talking about her exploits with Clemens.
Country outpouring
Sunday night, country music stars offered their condolences as they learned of McCready's death.
"My heart goes out to
Mindy McCready's family. I knew her well," LeAnn Rimes said on Twitter.
"It's a horrible tragedy. May peace be with her sons."
Carrie Underwood said
she grew up listening to McCready. And country artist Terri Clark said
she had some fun times with her "back in the day."
"I hope our society shows compassion and realizes the severity and reality of mental illness, and addiction," she tweeted.
Singer Wynonna Judd posted a series of tweets also calling attention to addiction and mental illness.
"It breaks my heart what
addiction continues to take from this life," she said. "Addiction is a
disEASE & not a character flaw. When the pain becomes too much, it
causes people to want that pain to stop. This is just so unbelieveable
& so sad."
In her words
A year ago, McCready
posted excerpts of a book she said was upcoming about her life. She
acknowledged a difficult upbringing, personal problems and the
challenges she faced turning her life around.
"I haven't had a hit in almost a decade," she wrote in January 2012 on her
official fan website. "I've spent my fortune, tarnished my public view and made myself the brunt of punch line after punch line.
"I've been beaten, sued, robbed, arrested, jailed, and evicted.
"But I'm still here.
With a handful of people that I know and trust, a revived determination,
and both middle fingers up in the air, I'm ready. I've been here
before. I'm a fighter. I'm down, but I'll never be out."
But Sunday, on the porch of her home, she may have changed her mind.
